Isn’t one of the hardest parts of this human life that we actually have so much less control over it than we think we do? The world is broken, people fail us, accidents and illnesses and hard things happen every day, and they’re pretty much out of our hands.

I know this on a deeply personal level. When the person I loved most was suddenly, tragically taken from me, I felt helpless. There was nothing I could do to bring him back, to heal myself. My heart was broken, and my hands totally tied. As a 28-year old widow, my situation would never be “fixed.”

But then I realized, there was one thing still left in hands. There was one choice that I had the agency to make, even as my world was falling to pieces around me. And I started choosing joy – in tiny, small, mundane, daily ways at first. Soft breezes, yummy foods, trying activities that Ben loved and learning to do them myself. And then, the beautiful things I chose that started out small began to have a huge impact on my mind, my heart, my whole life.

Here’s a few things I hope you learn from me because I know they’re true:

• Joy and pain are not mutually exclusive.
• Joy is about adjusting your perspective, not changing your circumstances.
• Joy is not a denial of reality; it is the freedom to be grateful and present in the middle of whatever your reality is.
• Choosing joy takes courage; choosing joy is how we fight despair.

Why you learning to choose joy is important to me is because it truly saved me. It gave me permission to keep living and an invitation to celebrate daily beauty and the small wins, even in the midst of my worst grief. Choosing joy is the way we fight against despair and darkness in this world because it’s an intentional way of living that ushers in light! Seeking the good, choosing the beauty when so much ugly is happening is hard. It’s countercultural and courageous and life changing. And it starts small. We all have the agency to choose joy! Why not start today?

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